Where All The ADD At?

A few words about Alan David Doane. Alan has been at the forefront of pretty much every communications fad since the '70s, and by "forefront," I really mean "foremiddle," jumping on a bandwagon just before it got up to a good gallop. CB radio? Alan was there, breaker-breaker-what's-your-20?ing with the best of them. Ham radio? Again yes, despite a strict kosher diet. Alan had one of the first second generation cellular phones, then just called "cellular phones," and it had to be conveyed in a stroller, like a black plastic baby. At the time, the 3 minute battery life was generally squandered convincing the party on the other end, that yes, he really was outside their house, watching them.

So it was no wonder--trite and predictable, really, for longtime Doanephiliacs--that Alan would get on board the burgeoning Internet, suckling the sweet teat of innovation, or something. We all remember the rants to impeach George H.W. Bush for getting us into the first Gulf War, and we remember his passionate, innacurate predictions about the breakout fame of comics artist Tom Raney, but we remember the lighter side, too, like his somewhat surprising susceptibility to the comedic stylings of Tim Allen, or the Friends fan fiction wherein Alan turned out to be the Naked Guy in the Other Building.

But one thing about Alan--he knew when to leap off that bandwagon, even if it meant skinning his knees. He was off the convoy before the CB fad went bust, and likewise was it wham, bam, thank you ham radio. And now that the Internet is about to curl up on its back with its legs stiffening in the cold kitchen light like a roach, Alan looks to be cashing it in, getting out of the cutballs world of blogging. And who can blame him? It pretty much peaked in 2004, right? Frankly, I'm surprised he's kept his acromegaly-afflicted mitt in as long as he has, but it's probably due to setbacks with the new technology. Don't worry--we'll see him sporting a mental projector soon enough. As soon as it's clear it's going to take off and be the next big thing, I mean. Some call him Trend Slut. I call him friend.