The Meanest Whore in North Carolina Gets an iPod

Believe it or not, that was the first title that came to mind for my next Breakdowns column. I was watching American Idol tonight and I think they were in NC for auditions and there was this really tacky, foul woman named Ronetta who got the boot and then swore up a blue streak. I have no idea if she's a whore and don't care; the title just popped in my head and amused me for a few minutes, but I realized it would cease to be amusing before the column even ran. Not sure what the title is going to be now. I've had a good Kirby-related title in my head for a week now but haven't reviewed any Kirby stuff lately, so it must wait.

Worked some on the column and some on lengthy emails to friends and associates. I generally don't do much rewriting at all of the the column--it flows pretty easily and I don't stress over much of it--but I did kill this opener, which was meant to be fun--pretending to tackle the subject at length and quickly getting to the heart of the matter and having to move on to reviews--but I'm sure it comes off too bitter and again, it quickly ceases to amuse me. A pet peeve becoming something much worse, which wasn't the intent. Plus, I'd feel obligated to explain that these weren't specific examples, there are plenty of fine superhero artists, etc. So here's the bit:

We’re here today to talk about exclusive contracts. You see press releases all the time about so-and-so signing an exclusive with either Marvel or DC, but what does that mean?

Well, it usually just means that Shitty Artist #1 draws a Superman book for a year while Shitty Artist #2 draws an X-Men book, and then Shitty Artist #1 can move over to that X-Men book while Shitty Artist #2 can now draw a Batman or team book, with Shitty Artist #3 finishing his time on the cancelled Third Time’s the Charm Man and getting that big break on the vacated Superman book. And they can all afford health insurance, so a doctor can tell them that going outside for a long walk might help their cholesterol, and that a large pan pizza doesn’t become a “personal” pan pizza just because they choose to eat it all themselves.